Lose yourself

Eminem, huh. I don’t know the lyrics, so there’s a chance that this post doesn’t match the song, however it matches the title. DAMN, there are moments when I fcukin do have a chance, and I fcuk it up. I’m a sick bastard. Shit. I just can’t get how the hell I am such an unintelligent loser. Damn it. And this time it’s not the others, it’s not the speed of light, at which rate today’s web changes, it’s me. And I fcuk the whole thing up.

Life multiplied by 0.25

So I turned 16, and ironically the only thought flashing through my mind was that I’ve already lived a quarter of my life, and I haven’t achieved anything serious, I don’t have anything special. When I was 5, I had plans, that when I turn 7 I’ll send a Valentine’s card to Julis (my kindergarten “love”), when I was 12 I had dreams that once I’ll have a personal webpage. None of those were accomplished. I realized that Julis ain’t gonna become the “real one”, and also realized that a personal webpage has no purpose at all. Who’s gonna visit it? (web services rulez now). And now, being 16, I have a dream. And looking back at my other dreams I get torn down.

I know, that this post looks like I’ve finished it, however, I have yet another thought. Sports. In sports, after a quarter, a third or a half you get a pause. You can go out and breath some fresh, cool air. You can smile at your beloved ones, and they smile back at you. You can roar with your teammates and whish them luck. The list goes on. Life? Life isn’t football. Neither hockey. And shit, we don’t live our baseball match. There’s no pause. So heads up, soldier, the second quarter is here, waiting to be fought. You might die. However, you might end up as a general in the army of human life. You decide. The key’s in your hands.

So I’m a rocker, huh?

We live in a media society. “What kind of music you listen to?” is an everyday question. And the answer can lead to contradictions. I’m a drummer, and as a musician I just “feel responsible” for keeping music alive. No matter what style it belongs to. However, I have a tendency to answer the given question with “rock”. Well, when I say rock I usually think that I love head banging and that I love the rhythm of it (bumm-tzoom-bumm-bumm) .However, no matter what style that particular track belongs to, the most important factor is lyrics. So I don’t care whether it’s Shania Twain or Mariah Carey, or even Beyoncé, as far as they sing about something.. ethically correct. Yayz, I freakin can’t put my opinion into words now. What I want to actually say is that I’m not satanist by any means. And also not emo. And also not goth. And I’m not punk either. So I can’t stand lyrics like “so am I still waiting for this world to stop hating/can’t find a good reason, can’t find hope to believe in”, even if Sum 41’s music sounds pretty cool. Rolling Stones, Guns’n'Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers – they’re the cool guys, and I could say a few others.. Metallica’s fine too, however they sometimes jump over “my barrier”. Black Sabbath.. you see, my style isn’t that easy to distinguish. Feel free to share what you think.

I’m sobbing

I like what these Ruby folks do. I’ve read the Agile Web Development with Rails books, and now, as they released Rails 2.0, I feel like I’m a dumb ass. I don’t really get it. There’s too much Rails (and maybe Ruby) magic happening in the background. I want to see what’s happening in the background, to understand the logic behind it. So I decided to download Why’s Poignant Guide again, and read it, even if the cellar’s going to become wet from my tears. Ruby rules, and I don’t want to miss it. I have great ideas, and I hope that this blog’s gonna become my main communication tool from now on regarding these. I had a Blogspot one back in time, however I think I got drawn away by the smell of money. It’s just cool that these WordPress.com guys don’t let us put AdSense here. Way too cool. Superb. Finally, I have the chance to really just blog for the sake of blogging, not for money.